Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Oakland Raiders aka "The Oddities"

The Oddities were a group of WWF cast-aways that came together to form a potent group of weirdoes. The Oddities featured a seven-foot giant, a fat guy with a mask (formerly known as The Earthquake), and one of the most hideous women the world has ever seen (Luna Vachon) among others. These guys never really accomplished much but they were entertaining to watch.

It is for this reason that I’m glad Vince McMahon actually signed off on the idea of The Oddities. There couldn’t possibly be a better comparison for the Oakland Raiders. The Raiders have some of the more unique personalities on the NFL on their team. Al Davis has never been shy about bringing in superstar malcontents and he proved this by acquiring Warren Sapp last season and Randy Moss this season.

The offense should be very good. Kerry Collins is a good long ball thrower but I think I would be a good long ball thrower with Randy Moss as one of my receivers. Jerry Porter is a strong, talented receiver who will compliment Moss well. Ronald Curry and Doug Gabriel are both capable as well. The running game might be improved with Lamont Jordan. Justin Fargas will play a bigger role in the offense but its Jordan’s job to lose. Teyo Johnson should have a breakout year at tight end since he’s physically dominating in the mold of Antonio Gates and Tony Gonzalez.

The defense is surprisingly awful despite having Sapp and Charles Woodson. Ted Washington should team with Sapp to form a good push up front. Washington weighs 365 pounds which makes me wonder what’s in his stomach. I would not want to visit his house just for the fact that I know he’d have to go the bathroom at some point. Washington is also 37 years old. There’s something about the combination of a 37 year old weighing 365 pounds that makes me think he won’t be healthy.

The Raiders will be a better team this season. They have Moss who can be the great equalizer. I don’t think this team can make the playoffs because they aren’t even one of the two best teams in their own division. However, I will be looking forward to watching these guys play. They should be exciting and entertaining to watch. Plus, the storyline possibilities are endless. Can you imagine what would happen if an opposing offensive lineman through one piece of barbecued chicken on the ground before every snap? Sapp and Washington would kill each other trying to get at it. Someone should try this.

The schedule won’t be easy. The Raiders get Denver (2), KC (2) and San Diego (2). I would not be shocked if they went 3-3 but 2-4 is more like it. They match up against the NFC East which should be wins over Washington and the NY Giants. They get Tennessee, Miami and Cleveland which could be three wins. The rest of the schedule has New England, Buffalo and the NY Jets. I think they can go 1-2 there.

Predicted record: 7-9


Anonymous said...

If you select anyone other than Samoa Joe for the New England Patriots, I'm going to be unhappy.

Anonymous said...

AFC West is a mess. I can't wait to see the first Raiders and Chiefs game on ESPN in week two. It could be 63-56.

I don't get most of the wrestling analogies unless you delve deep into Georgia Championship Wrestling, but you tie them nicely together for the less than casual wrestling guru. The Oddities seemed more than appropriate for the Raiders.


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