Saturday, August 13, 2005

The Washington Redskins aka "Doink The Clown"


"Doink The Clown" was a joke and so are the Redskins. Doink actually got to win some matches in his WWF career but he was a trainwreck who had about as good of a shot at winning the title as.....the Redskins do of making the playoffs. Daniel Snyder runs a three-ring circus in DC. The Redskins haven't been good for ten years and they won't be good for ten more.

All prospective fantasy owners out there, I'm warning you, stay away from the Redskins. I feel sorry for Clinton Portis. He was a fantasy monster in Denver where offensive lineman grow on trees and the offense is somewhat balanced. This serves as a lesson to all NFL teams; do NOT trade for a Denver running back. It's fools gold. They've pawned off Olandis Gary and Clinton Portis and they have five more just like them.

Last year Joe Gibbs brought his brilliant philosophy of "give it to Portis three times in a row behind our terrible offensive line and then punt." Don't expect things to change this year. The offense is terrible. The offense was "supposedly" upgraded by bringing in James Thrash, David Patten, and Kevin Dyson. There's a reason why the Eagles didn't make it to the Super Bowl until Thrash was replaced. The only "real" upgrade will be getting Jon Jansen back from injury on the offensive line. Just thinking about the Redskins on offense makes me nauseous. How could anyone feel good about fielding this team for 16 games?

Snyder made the most irrelevant trade of the offseason by swapping Laveranues Coles for Santana Moss. If you dressed these two guys up in the same jersey, I would have no idea which was which. I like the fact that Snyder will do anything to win. That's admirable. Having said that, I think Snyder might be the worst owner in sports. I don't think he's made one good signing since buying the 'skins. In fact, he would've been better off spending $10 on some beer leaguers and tanking the last five seasons just to get the number one overall pick five years in a row. He would've saved millions of dollars and his team would probably be twice as good. I still can't believe that Snyder brought in Steve Spurrier for the "Fun and Gun" and gave him Danny Wuerffel, Shane Matthews and Patrick Ramsey as his ringleaders. I understand Spurrier brought in those guys but I'm sure he would've appreciated it if Snyder would've attempted to bring in someone with a pulse. That would be like taking a mini-van to the Indy 500 and complaining after not winning.

Patrick Ramsey is terrible. In fact, he might be the worst starting quarterback in the league. Jason Campbell got more hype out of Ronnie Brown and Cadillac Williams than Brown and Williams did. Fred Smoot left but the Redskins should actually have two decent cornerbacks. Carlos Rogers is a good pickup but Sean Taylor is probably going to jail so there's no gain there. Shawn Springs is a solid cornerback but I have to wonder about Springs' sanity after signing with the 'skins. Although, I suppose I'd play for anyone for that kind of money too.


Ramsey looking comfortable under center.


The only good thing I can say about the Redskins is that they get to play Chicago, Arizona, San Francisco and the New York Giants twice. Joe Gibbs is good for 10 wins and Patrick Ramsey is good for -5.

Predicted record: 5-11

2 comments:

Tony said...

At first I wasn't too sure about Doink for the 'Skins.

Then I was thinking, if you look over the last 12 years or so, basically all that's happened since the juggernaut team that knocked out the Lions in 91, Doink entered the WWF, and time matches up.

Doink's character was "played" by several different wrestlers, seemingly each Doink was worse than the last. This corresponds to the Skins team beginning to get worse with each year. The 4th person to play Doink was some guy, with apparantly no wrestling background and thus horrible, and eventually dropped by WWF, who we can compare to Daniel Snyder.

When Doink was dropped from WWF/E, he moved on to Independant leagues. Since Snyder took over, the Redskins should be playing in a different league as well.

Just like Doink is a gimmick wrestler, the Skin's under Snyder have been a gimmick team. In fact, any success Doink had, can be compared to the exhibition game Spurrier had his Skins run the score up on the 49'ers!! I mean, come on. Completely pointless, and must have amused Spurrier and Snyder as much as one of Doinks lame pranks on the crowd as a heel.

Hwood said...

Tony dropping some wrestling knowledge? I'm most impressed.

Jake, that "preview" was hilariously cruel. Keep up the good work.

 

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