The Cleveland Browns aka Duke "The Dumpster" Droese

I have to be perfectly honest here, I originally intended on comparing the Browns to Barry Hardy but I could not find any pictures of Barry Hardy online so I guess I’ll settle for the next best thing. Duke “The Dumpster” Droese was a wrestling garbage man. I don’t have much to say about “The Dumpster” other than the fact that he stunk. I supposes it’s possible that he literally stunk but in fairness to him, I don’t know that this to be true.

The Browns stink too. They’re going with the “Trent Dilfer option” at quarterback which generally means they’re waving the white flag from the get go. The running game should be very competitive with Lee Suggs, William Green and the newly acquired Rueben Droughns. The Browns are about to find out what it means to trade for a Denver running back. Detroit and Washington are the charter members of the fraternity and Cleveland is a new pledge. Suggs is the best of the bunch and would contribute meaningful numbers if the Browns would just name him the starter. The offensive line is actually decent so the Browns could have something going there. Braylon Edwards is an athletic freak who will immediately bring respectability to the Browns. Dennis Northcutt is a capable receiver as well. The Browns are in the process of finding out why Antonio Bryant couldn’t get on the field in Dallas. I’m starting to think that the Browns are often the last people to find out about things. They broke the “don’t trade for a Denver running back” rule, they traded for malcontent Bryant, and they mortgaged the future of the franchise by drafting Kellen Winslow III. Cleveland needs to get in the loop.

Romeo Crenell was a great coach for the Patriots. He’s a defensive guy who should make the Browns respectable in time. By “in time” I mean by 2014. The Browns defense features a grand total of five guys that I’ve heard of. I follow every team in the NFL. If I’ve only heard of five guys on your defense, you have major issues. In fact, I’m not even going to go over the positions on D. They’re all going to be bad. Just to drive the point home, the Browns scored 48 points against Cincy last year and still lost by ten.

The schedule could feature the Bears for 16 games and it would still be tough for the Browns. Unfortunately, it’s much more difficult than that. They have to play Pittsburgh and Baltimore two times a piece. That’s zero wins. They get Cincy twice which should also be zero wins. They matchup up against the NFC North which is not good news. They’ll lose to Minnesota, Green Bay, Detroit and could beat Chicago but they probably won’t. The other games are against Indianapolis, Houston, Tennessee, Miami, Jacksonville and Oakland. Indy is a guaranteed loss. They might be able to beat Miami but that’s a big if. They won’t beat Jax or Oakland. I can’t see McNair losing to this team. Houston is liable to beat or lose to anyone so it’s possible they could beat Houston. I don’t see more than two victories here and it would take two upsets for that to happen. I hate to say it but this could be a historically bad season.

Predicted record: 1-15